Boris Johnson is trolling the country with his bizarre bus model claims
Hop on. The UK has a one-way ticket on Boris Johnson's batty bus ride towards Number 10.
Boris Johnson, notorious for standing in-front of a large red Brexit bus, has claimed he builds model buses out of old wine crates and paints the "happy passengers" to relax.
It is almost certain we will never get to see these works of art. Ever since he was plunged into scandal on Friday evening following reports of a blazing row with partner Carrie Symonds, the blustering Tory has taken a hermit-esque approach to his private life.
He has refused to come clean on what happened in his flat after police were called to investigate the disturbance. He has refused to confirm or deny whether a picture of the loved-up couple, leaked to the press over the weekend, was staged. And he has even refused to say when the picture was taken, describing questions from LBC's Nick Ferrari as a "farce".
And now, in a deeply odd interview with TalkRadio, the Tory frontrunner has sowed a further level of mind-melting confusion about his personal affairs after claiming he spends his downtime painting "happy passengers" on old cases of wine.
"I well, I like to... paint. Or I make things. I like to... I make, I have a thing where I make models of, when I was mayor of London we built a beautiful - I make buses," he told Ross Kempsell.
"I make models of buses. So what I do, no, I don't make models of buses, what I do is I get old - I don't know - wooden crates...Right? And then I paint them.
"And they, they have - suppose it's a box that's been used to contain wine bottles, right? And it will have a dividing thing.
"And I turn it into a bus. And so I put passengers - you really want to know this?
"No, I paint the passengers enjoying themselves. On the wonderful bus... Low carbon, of a kind that we brought to the streets of London, reducing CO2, reducing nitrous oxide, reducing pollution."
The Trump-esque response leaves more questions than answers. Does he build model buses? He says he does and then says he doesn't. Are they old wooden crates or are they small wine holders? Do they claim they'll help fund the NHS to the tune of £350m a week or not?
Even Mr Johnson's attempts to contort his disjointed ramble into a plug for his "Boris bus" triumph during his time as London mayor is a masterclass in deception.
In September 2015, a whopping £2m was spent refitting the New Routemaster after a litany of complaints from passengers that the poor air conditioning system and fixed windows had turned the "wonderful" buses into a "cauldron on wheels".
But with Boris Johnson's bulletproof status among Tory members it seems unlikely the wheels will be coming of his campaign any time soon.
Next stop: Downing Street.